G-Spot and I had a free weekend, so we decided to do a little Saturday hashing. Saturday hashing is usually the best in my opinion because it allows for a more technical trail(daylight) and more beer consumption(no work the next day). So we pulled off of Page into the back of an empty parking lot to see fellow hashers. We saw Hoosier Nooner and Ruck Me, Laz Ass, Stink Palm, Orgy Cum Dumpster, and the newbie Ovary Punch. Other hashers showed up, both large and small, and we were taught the tale of the trail by the hares with a pre-laid chalk talk. There was one mark that looked like HHJWWJD. I took it to mean Hobo Hand Job What Would Jesus Do?
Certainly this would be an interesting hash. We gave the hares a 15 minute cranium start and then Lazy Ass took off on the walker's trail.
Shot By A Whore and Just Jillian appeared 10 minutes after Lazy took off and gave chase in a stroller. Ain't no way you're catching the Turbo Ghost of Lazy Ass, SBAW. Especially with fast as lightnin' NB pushing him. That's Norman Bates, not Numb Buns.
We groped up and then took off after the hares. About 100 yards into the trail, I thought I was going to die for some reason. Too many beers and smokes I guess. There were some chalk marks written on the trail that were not in circle. Something about sex with polar bears. We ran through shiggy and across train tracks and experienced our first of many two dotters. A Two-Dotter means that you go back to the last mark before the Two-dotter and then find the trail from there. Very tricky hares!!
I tiptoed through the poison ivy(still got it) and along some roads and hills before I met up with Postage Tramp, who I was sure was enjoying the BH Steel Reserve that we were promised in circle. Instead, he was just sweeping for us because they were at the Hobo Hand Job stop contemplating Jesus. We meandered up a giant hill and almost got run over my cars.
Before I knew it, the harriette Hoosier Nooner came racing down the hill with a gloriously cold Steel Reserve. God bless her heart. She knew that I didn't have enough energy to get up that hill, so she willingly risked her life to bring me beer. So nice. And then I drank it.
I truly believe that Steel Reserve is the only beer that gets worse as you drink it, even if it is still cold. It's like the Bum Wine of beers. We finally found the beer stop and enjoyed not bum wine beer(Stag). Shot By A Whore was never seen again. We drank beer and told filthy pirate jokes before chasing the hares. PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Not long after our beer stop, we were accosted by a drunken troll who demanded that we stay off of his private property(public road) and that we not steal his shit(troll feces). He tried to stop Postage Tramp who was overheard saying, You DON"T want to do that" and "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry" in his best Bill Bixby voice. We passed the troll and I looked back to see if he had pissed himself only to see g-spot slowing down right as she passed him. My first thought was, "What are you doing?
You can't answer his drunken riddles! Just run!" But my reaction was to keep running. The chivalrous Dancing Queen ran back to distract the troll with a dance and a threat to steal his apples, which was enough for G-spot to make it by him unscathed.
We got back to the circle and commenced drinking amongst all the flies that Stink Palm brought with him. The cops didn't bother us this time and lots of beer was drank. Apparently the pack thought that my action of leaving a G-spot behind was not hash like behavior and I was punished by being forced to drink out of bed pan. It felt good. It felt right. And I did the honorable thing by drinking it all. After that I mentioned to G that it has been about 2 years since I got a hashshit. I guess I had better start doing stupider/funnier/awesomer things on trail.
On-Out
GladHeAteHer