Disclaimer: Just because a few hasher's decided to name three girls "Dewey's Posse" does NOT mean I am responsible for their actions. They showed up wearing shirts for my virgin trail and although I was not aware of the plan, somehow I got held accountable (and had to drink a 10 High infused Hash Shit if I recall). So no more holding Dewey responsible. I do not control the posse. Now, on to the highlights.

 

GladHeAteHer's trail in Edwardsville was a remarkable journey into the underground city we Illinois people like to call Bike Trails.  When I arrived at circle (early again!) I was surprised to see a lot of not-so-familiar faces. Could these be-gasp-virgins? They were! And the best kind: female virgins. Oooooh. But what else did I see? No hashers. Boooo. Where was Bama Mate? We were in Illinois after all. And Licka? Sexorcist? Turd Burglar?We were in Illinois after all and don't you live here? Ah well. A gift was given to the hare, a nice family-oriented DVD that he could watch after the run. It's weird to find DVDs that have you name in the title, isn't it? We circled up and listened to chalk talk. A manager of the movie theatre interrupted us, but someone assured him we were just getting ready for a run and no, of course there is no alcohol involved. Wait, is someone talking about baby wipes? Apparently they stick better to the ground in the wind. We'll find out later they are not quite as easy to see. The hare was out and we groped and mingled. I made the mistake of asking Frozen Cum Shot who the scribe was, thinking I missed it. He replied, "Well, you are now." Damn my luck. On-out!

 

We left the movie theatre parking lot and found ourselves across the street, searching for those damn baby wipes. This was not going to be an easy trail. We finally discovered where we were and what we were supposed to be doing when I noticed we were back across the street, running next to the same theatre we just left. Hmmmm. More running through a field and we arrived at the first bike trail. Sadly, it would not be the last. there was a check shortly after emerging from a tunnel and Follow the Urine Trail noticed that we had to get back up on the road. This was exhausting. A chick check was set and Dewey Sexual System went searching (haha guys!) and found trail (yay me!). Heading toward ESIC Drive, I noticed a very familiar setting. As we ran through the subdivision I realized why: Just Laurin's car! Sitting in front of Turd's house! So we did what nay normal hasher's would do and ran on top of it and put newspaper under her windshield wipers. Mission accomplished. The hashers hit a check back 19 or something so we craniumed the other way. After more running, chick-checks and indecision, I saw my parents house. I ran in to steal beer, but instead got chocolate pudding and water. Then some of us got lost. Any Cock'll Do, Tippecanoe and Fuck Me Too and I found two virgins aimlessly walking far away from trail, so we righted them and set off down bike trail #2. This would eventually lead to the beer stop, at the Market Basket.

 

The only thing I remember from the beer stop is some creepy guy in a beat-up blazer trying to sneak up on the crowd. He supposedly knows Runs With Boner. He had a sticker on his vehicle that said: "Git Er Dun" which is not only spelled wrong, it's jut bad grammar. Leave the boyfriend at home next time Boner. I didn't do the rest of the trail either, I got a ride back to circle so I could drink more, seeing as I started to sober up on the first half.

 

I think circle was when things started getting a little _________ (insert own word here, like MadLibs). There were virgins: Just Jill, Just Cindy, Just Liz and Just Sydney. No boobs :( Dewey and Flossit with a Faucet got cranium bands, 25 and 100, respectively. Flossit also got a special mug which I thought was a joke because of the glass bottom. You tricksters! For some reason Any Cock and Tippe were wrestling during hash shit nominations, which was unfortunate because Tippe was being nominated for CliffBangHer like behavior (see photos). Cliffy was also nominated for giving up meat for Lent. Which is fine if you were Catholic, but he's not. Whiney Bitch was up for something to do with rope and finally Just Mark for being a member of the posse and not having a name (actually the only real posse member not named is Just Laurin-what? is everyone from Illinois in my posse?). There was too much distraction with Tippe's panties being ripped (Just Mark should have been called back from the nomination for that-he did give her the Atomic Wedgie that led to her ass being shown). Who won? It was a trial by down-down with all four nominees. Hmm, who will win (hash shit that is)? Yay Tippe, you got it! What happened next is a little confusing. PMS told Tippe that if she couldn't finish it she could hand it off to someone and they have to drink it. I may have missed class a couple of times, because I do not remember this rule. After finding out who she may be handing it too, Dewey slipped to the other side of circle. Tippe, confused tried to hand it to Just Mark. By handing it I mean throwing it. I think it may be time to go to the on-after.

 

More confusion at the on-after. After eating my meal and chatting with Duzzy Cum and Just Jill, I noticed a make-out session to my left. I'll let your imaginations take over, but it did involve Hammertongue and the same drunken hasher for which he got his name. I was tired, so I left. All in all it was another shitty trail.

 

Oh yeah, Cliff, next time you ditch an on-after because they only serve meat, realize that they do have beer. Oh and some pretty good garden burgers and potato/cheese appetizers.

 

On-on,

 

Dewey