Well, virgins, sinners, and perpetual bridesmaids, another successful Bridesmaid Hash has come and gone. The cast of characters included Dos, Dapper, Humpin' Iron, Free Mustache Ride, Just Anne, Froggy, Whistles, Princess Albert, Cardi P, Wet Spot, and our hardworking hares Sweet Ho Alabama and 2:19.

The original plan was to gather at the Naked Lady statue for a proper pre-hash circle. Unfortunately, the beer coolers apparently weighed more than the collective bridal party's dignity, so circle-up operations were relocated to the far more elegant venue of the closed public bathrooms.

Just as the hares headed out, Mother Nature decided she'd had enough of wedding season and unleashed a torrential downpour. The pack huddled beneath trees for a bit, looking less like bridesmaids and more like drowned rats waiting for Noah's Ark.

Eventually it became clear that trail was optional and survival was not, so the pack embraced a Choose Your Own Adventure mindset.

Some walked.

One actually ran.

Several made the obvious choice and piled into Wet Spot's van, affectionately known for the afternoon as the Bridal Shuttle of Shame.

The first stop was the Shaw underpass where a full-scale bridesmaid dance party broke out. Not everyone got the memo, however. Princess Albert and Whistles somehow found themselves inside a fancy brunch establishment. Sources report they horrified the brunch crowd simply by existing, which may be the most successful hashing they accomplished all day.

After regrouping, the pack enjoyed enough cocktails and cupcakes to fuel the appropriate poor decisions. The bridesmaids then demonstrated years of wedding expertise by performing a master class in reception dancing. The Macarena. The Chicken Dance. The Electric Slide. And, of course, the wedding classic that somehow never dies: Thunderstruck.

By this point the rain had eased and dignity had not improved, so the pack continued on to Stop Two, where champagne flowed, disco lights flashed, and several hashers briefly became convinced they possessed actual rhythm.

From there it was On-On to St. Louis Pride, proving once again that if you release a pack of hashers into a crowd, they will immediately scatter like rainbow-colored feral cats. The group repeatedly found and lost each other amid the colorful chaos. Along the way, the pack randomly encountered Perp and Dewey, gathered an impressive collection of gimmies, and experienced enough kindness from strangers to partially restore faith in humanity.

Eventually, through a combination of luck, technology, and alcohol-powered navigation, everyone found their way back to the start.

Cardi P ran a quick and efficient circle before anyone could escape. The consensus was clear: the bridesmaids had successfully planned and executed a fantastic wedding celebration for a bride who never actually showed up.

Ten years of Bridesmaid Hashes and still no bride.

At this point we're starting to suspect she may be imaginary.

Until next year, bridesmaids.

On On!

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