5th An(nu)al Beer Mile presented by Stag @ Lafayette Park - Corner of Park and Mississippi (NE corner)
Hash Trash:
Big Hump 1684! Beer Mile Hash Trash
There was a lot of nail biting going on leading up to this event. Would it happen? Where was it at? Who knew? The Hare kept everyone on edge by sharing the location of trail to no one. Everyone knows the best way to get people to show up to your trail is to not tell them where it's at. Well played, Dewey. Eventually the standard beer mile location was made known to all and regardless of the hare's attempt to make sure no one knew where to go, there was a fine showing of hashers old and new. The 69th annual beer mile competition would take place, after all. Hashers gathered. Beers were consumed. I saw hashers I haven't seen in some while at Big Hump. I'm looking at you Postage Tramp. Probably looking at ICHY too.
Circle up was called. Dewey explained that the pre-laid shitty trail before the beer mile, that didn't even matter, had like 4 kinds of standard marks. Woo hoo there's a fucking dot again. On out happened. 3 minutes later Triple D arrived back to the start stating that he quit trail because he had to shit somewhere. 3 minutes later everyone else that ran the complete trail showed up.
THEN the actual event people showed up for kicked off. Dewey said some stuff. 5 Bucks beer snobbed that he was too good to drink beer that wasn't mass produced by the company that he works for. I volunteered to serve beer at the 3rd stop because this is rumored to be the best stop. People puke and die at this stop, I heard, and I love watching people do these two things. I wandered off to my serving station so I have no clue what happened soon after. I assume some people said funny things and then some racists chugged beers and took off. Then I assume they went to the first stop to drink a beer. Then I assume they went to the 2nd beer stop to drink a beer. When they got to the last stop, where I was at, they would have already ran ¾ of a mile and consumed 3 beers. Chugging a 4th beer was sure to make someone puke, right? WRONG. These gods damned alcoholics are well seasoned. Every single one of these assholes finished their beer and kept on moving. Maybe It's Meth and Mouthwest Airlines were at the lead of the solo competitors and neck and neck. Meth took off seconds before Mouthwest. I could not find out who won until hours later because Quarter # Me and BtBomber finnnnnnnalllllllyyyyyy made it to the 3rd beer check 169 minutes into the race. Bomber took another 69 minutes to drink that last beer so everyone STAFFING the beer stop agreed we wouldn't tell on her if she just went ahead and walked on while drinking her beer. Ooops I lied.
I later found out that Mouthwest Airlines came up Meth's rear and overtook him firmly to be victorious in this year's Big Hump Beer Mile! Just a bit over 8 minutes! Cum In Sumthing and $5 won their division of a 2-person team. You know why? No one else wanted to enter this piece of shit division. It's a beer mile, not a beer ½ mile. You can't both have a 60 IQ and tell people together you have a 120 IQ.
After that... Holy shit you have you ever had 20 of your friends slam 4 beers in 10 minutes. Loooollllloollolllollo drunkards! BtBomber kicked Triple D's ass Cobra Kai way. Ta(s)(z)ed was drunk as fuck and ran like 10 laps around people called in for something. Fatliner was weird as fuck but he was that way before too. Lots of slurred words going on here by lots of people!
Everyone drank more beer The End.
All in all... Just another shitty trail!
Frankie TDTPE
Directions:
Expect a short warm up trail laid by Dewey followed by the Beer Mile
Beer mile traditions:
5% beers only, will be provided
You can do this solo, as a pair of 2, or in teams of 4
Beers must be finished before continuing
No shotgunning
No puking*
Beer will be ice cold
Prizes will be awarded to the first place in each category (spoiler alert: it's booze)
*if you vomit you run one additional lap (1/4 mile) if you want the time to count
If you want to compete, please comment what category. If double or team, please list teammates. Yes, you can decide Wednesday, but I like to know how much beer to get.
$7 hash cash
