It was a warm summer day with a trail in the elite St. Charles Co. that started at 5:00 pm. Pussy Snatcher and In Your Endo's dual Virgin hare. What? Two Virgin hares. Haring together? Piece of cake, NOTHING could go wrong...
The original pin drop took Eye Swallow, Stink Palm, Humping Iron and Beaver Chaser to Busch Greenway Trail, where they ran into a muggle that is a former hasher, Didn't Cum. They talked, drank beer, finally got chairs out to sit in as they waited for the hares to show up. After checking on FB it was discovered that there were hashers all over St. Charles. A Virgin that was coming gave up and went home. After a few phone calls everyone met at the Howell trail head. (If the write up would have mentioned this, it might have been useful) Everyone but the hares that is. Around 6:10 the hares showed up to their own trail! Everyone rejoiced. There was a quick 10 minute opening circle and the hares were off. There were concerns by many hashers about this trail....so they started taking bets on whether or not Endo would be murdered on trail by Pussy Snatcher. Eye Swallow is nursing a knee injury so she opted to auto hash, was given detailed directions and Stink Palm drove the chariot.....straight to Hog's Haus.
5 Star Review: Great bar! Loaded Nachos and onion straws were ordered. Food was delicious. Beer was cold. Sports ball on TV. Restrooms clean. Server friendly.
With full bellies and a buzz, Stinky and Eye Swallow went to find the beer stop. They parked where instructed and started doing trail in reverse. It was getting dark quickly. About half mile in they heard voices and saw lights. They hid behind some brush. Just as they were to scare some hashers...abort mission!!! It was a muggle family. They had startled them. Oops. Apologizes were given and on they went. Close to a mile in, they decided to turn around and head back to the trail head. The concern grew greater the later in got. No cell service was available. At 8:50 there was light emerging from the woods...it was Fatliner, TSA, Tased and Sweet Ho. Sweet Ho was lost on trail for over an hour by herself. Not cool. Fatliner drove them back to the start while StinkEye waited for more survivors. Fatliner and StinkEye shared beverages and wondered how long they should wait before calling authorities. As the 911 call was being placed Eye Swallow saw a shadow figure emerging from the dark. It wasn't Big foot...it was the rest of the pack. Tired, sweaty, thirsty and hungry. They looked as though they had been foraging for food and drink for hours. They had been I suppose. We got them all hydration and loaded up to head back to circle. Circle was short, everything was blamed on the hares, but mostly Endo. He got all butt hurt because no one liked his shitty 7+ miles walkers trail, his 12 foot tall shiggy, or getting lost on trail. He is probably still confused. Pussy Snatcher has promised to redeem herself at her next trail. There was no on after because everyone just wanted to go home.
Forever grateful for my knee injury right now,
OH SHIT Y'ALL IT'S A SHIGGY HASH! For those of you who are tired of sidewalks and long to find yourself lost in the woods and fearful you'll have to just start a new life on some random ravine wall in St. Charles county, Saturday is your day. Join In Your Endo and Pussy for their virgin Big Hump haring!
What to expect, A to B (hares will have car to shuttle back to start), shiggy, uneven terrain, runner/walker split. Trail is doggo friendly but after isn't.
Need: Cranium lamp, dry bag, bug spray, etc...its a hash.
Circle Up: Busch Greenway trailhead (WSH?)
St Charles, MO 63304
Google Maps: https://maps.app.goo.gl/nprqusTCd7WDE8Kz6
Tentative On-After: Exit 6 Brewery
5055 State Highway N, St Charles, MO 63304
Google Maps: https://goo.gl/maps/HBtnw1AeLuLN6iVE9
Tap list: https://www.exit6brewery.com/on-tap/