Saturday 04/27/2019 #1554
Maybe It's Methamphetamine & Strap-On @ Tower Grove Park
Hash Trash: We circled up at the Tower Grove Bandstand among a plethora of muggles taking Prom pictures, boy are they in for some surprises if they decide to zoom into the background of those photos. In Your Endo provided boozy Ice Cream, but only 1 spoon. Oh well, we are hashers, we already have all of the diseases anyway.
Since none of our freshly elected RAs showed up to the first hash post-erections Tased and Confused took the opportunity to expand his Big-Hump power grab and took over beginning circle. Just Lauren, a Vaj H3 hasher was introduced to the pack as well as Cocktioneer and Louisville Plug-Her who were visiting from CoMotion. Maybe Its Methamphetamines stepped in to describe how shitty his first ever trail would be. It was mostly standard marks until he indicated there would be a check-back in a foreign language (math) and that the beer halts would be numbered. I immediately assumed the answer to both would be 7, setting myself up for great disappointment. The pack posed for the most disorganized Prom photo ever and the hares were off.
The walkers were almost immediately away as well while the runners provided the full 15-minute head start. The CoMotion hashers headed home, citing a lack of Fireball. The first mark was a Runner-Walker split, but as we soon found out the walkers were going to get their moneys worth today. The trail took us north of the park into Shaw and very quickly to a chick check. TSA went left, Licks went straight and Cunt Punt went right but soon all were heading back towards the check and CP had company, the walkers had apparently spent the entire previous 15 minutes wandering around without any marks and had lucked onto the runners trail! After running in circles for a bit we realized CP had initially gone the correct way and the walkers had been following trail backwards. It was also around this time we realized that Licks and Sticks was nowhere to be found.
We continued north through the revitalized Shaw neighborhood and eventually found Beer Halt #1 under Interstate Farty-Far. Meth had righted a previous wrong and provided TSA with her favorite beer! The runners waited for the walkers to help us finish things off and someone *accidentally* dropped the 25oz. can of Bud Ice. Still no sign of Licks. We solved a check just past the BH and headed east and eventually South down 39th. The FRBs found a check-back, but not the promised calculus equation. We turned down an alley to find an immediate Hash Halt. We were all together because of the checkback, but stuck around for a minute just in case Licks might materialize but hashers are not a patient bunch so we were off again. We crossed Grand over to the Compton water tower to get our steps in for the day and then hugged 44 for a while before heading back south into Compton Heights for a beer stop in co-Hare Strap Ons backyard. Lo and behold, there was Licks waiting for us. She thought she had been behind us the entire time (like that has ever happened).
Since the walkers were on the runner trail, it ended up being an extended amount of time at the beer stop. Having already consumed his beer, Reach-Around Rabbit tried in vain to get someone to go halvsies on a second beer and then confessed his fear of garage doors. It was time to go. We managed to close the door without pinching any fingers and were back on trail. The 2nd half of trail was basically a straight line back to circle, but the pack did come upon Beer Halt #2 right as the Allergy Apocalypse descended upon us. The wind picked up and the pollen made a beeline for our sinuses while we carried on an intellectual debate on the quality of Yuengling Lager. That beer has NOT won any blue ribbons! Stink Palm found an umbrella on trail and almost flew away Mary Poppins style.
Tased, already tired of being in charge, ceded closing circle to Stink. The typical down-downs were done. Shitty Trail, No Whistles, July Birthdays, etc. Splash MountEm and Eye Swallow were celebrated for (In)significant runs prompting a confused Splash to tell TSA he thought they were together (run-wise). TSA reminded him that he was actually married to Licks. Just Laurens joke landed to awkward silence and then even more awkward calls of *Tits Out*, Im not sure the Vaj prepared her for Big Hump. Hope she comes back though, she was cool (and the next one is free!!). Rabbit got nominated so many times for Hash Shit that Stink didnt even bother to hold a formal vote. Announcements were made and just as she thought she was going to get away with it, TSA got called out for new shoes. To my dismay, we did not beerboard her, but she did take a sip of beer out of the shiny Altra before dumping the rest to waste. Finally we Swung-Low and off to Three Monkeys we went for Pizza and Impossible Burgers.
Circle: Tower Grove Bandstand
Hares: Maybe It's Methamphetamine, Strap On
RA(s): Tased and Confused, Stink Palm
(In)Significant Runs: Splash Mountem (188), Eye Swallow (190)
Beer Stop: Strap On's Backyard
Hash Shit: Reach-Around Rabbit
On-After: Three Monkeys
Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999