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Wednesday 03/06/2019 #1543

Record @ A Curated Hell

Hash Trash:

The Hare said the theme to this trail was "PAIN" . But to me pain is grasping a bar wire fence to cross a rushing creek, or slogging thru a freezing waist deep tunnels, or having to watch the Hall Mark channel. This trail was wet feet and sticks in the eyes and missing beer stops. It started in the parking lot of an abandond Pizza Hut in down town old town Fenton (yeah). It was a good turn out for a cold wet night and the hare promising a shiggy trail. Even Cow Cock and Hardly ever Cums were there, and Postage Tramp made an appearance. After chalk talk and dumb questions the hare was away. Dewey kept time and was quite strict about giving him the whole 10 minutes head start. And we are off, Dazed leads the pack behind Fenton Plaza before loosing trail but Flame finds it going under 141, coming out the other side, the pack scatters around looking for TP or anything, we look everywhere as far as Best Buy (remind me to buy ink or copier) finally somebody spots a hare arrow leading into a tunnel under HWY30, Dewey finds the Beer halt. Did anyone notice the great condition of the running surface in that tunnel. we soon left that amazing surface to hit rocks and bushes and branches and water. Turning a hard right next to Dodds Tire we acrossed 6 lanes a 141 and up the steepest road in Fenton (yeah) A ladies check leads up more steep hill till Licks turns around and states that there are no more marks, we are confused because the hare said there were no BJ on this trail, finally Dazed and Dewey go back to the ladies check, and see footprint in the snow leading to TP and trail along HWY 30 and back into the woods, and sticks in the eyes. Another check and more Bush wacking, Just Angela (visiting from Mempis) and TSA find a shot stop with little bottles of Jim Beam and Fire Ball. This is a good spot for a stop and we enjoyed the shots. I opened a Fire Ball, and passed it to Responsiblibibitchl (visting from Bloomington) she drank the whole bottle. The pack works it way down into the woods along Fenton (yeah) City park, Flame and Dazed zoomed down the slippery hill side while the rest of us went down more controlled sliding, another creek crossing and I got to watch Fat Liner, Fake Bake and En Your Endo try to keep their feet dry and failing, then more woods, it was hard to run with all the tangle foot vines and debris on the ground, 2 more creek crossing, and we are out of the woods and into the the city of Fenton (yeah) mulch pile. This would be a great place for a beer stop, no beer stop. Trail goes along a bike path next to the river, as we run we pass the place where the Queen of Heart uses to be, now just a light pole shines on an empty lot this would make a good beer stop, no beer stop. We run under HWY 30, another good spot for a beer stop, no beer stop. We see some arrows left by the hare, right if you want to quit, or straight for more fun. Everybody went straight. Trail leads us into George Winter park. Licks and TSA find a check back, which lets Roadkill lead the pack till he over shoots trail because he always thinks he know where the trail is going. Splash or somebody finds true trail again, more tangle foot to another creek cross. Bring up the rear I saw how the pack deals with this creek crossing, sure we cuss out the hare but nobody stops, everybody just forges thru and scrambles up the bank, ON ON. The pack has become spread out and I can't see many lights but most of us see the turkey-eagle split. Eagles go right. I can only see En Your Endo, I keep looking to my left toward the boat ramps next to the river, its very erie and black and quite, a good place for a beer stop, no beer stop. On Allen rd trails turns hard right and up into more stick in the eye woods. lucky for me and Endo, Splash finds trail for us out of the woods thru Harbor Bluff Estate, up hill, around some gates, and down hill we find the hares reverse witchy way. Right onto Old 141, I know I'm less the a 1/4 of a mile from my car straight dowm old 141, when suddenly a true trail arrow point left up a rocky endbankment, I actually said the f word, what a pointless thing to do, I mean trail is 95% over, I missed the beer stop and now the hare wants us to plod up hill to run behind Sears loading docks, just to plod down again. I mean really. But a true trail arrow is a true trail arrow, so up we go. at the top we meet up with Fake Bake and Just Angela and Fat Liner. Then, Oh MY GOD IS THAT A BN, around the dumpster a Beer stop. Everybody is there but Flame. We figured he is ok just zenning back, I mean he is wearing all black, has no headlight, walking on a dark curvy road with no shoulder. Meanwhile after the beer stop we slide down the hill and run back to the cars. Sometime during the hash we lost Cow Cock, Hardly Ever Cums, Postage Tramp, and Purdy, but we gained a Lock Nut. We had a quick circle because the cop said to leave, Responsiblibibitchl sang a song about loosing a boyfriend to a lumberjack but finding a moose. Just Angela just froze. We had a plethera of chips thanks to Records hissy fit last week about no yellow food. lot of hashers stood in for hasher not there. Splash said he kept his feet dry. Endo got his number 10 headband once Dewey blessed it. After Swing Low we left to go to 026, which is called that because the zip code for Fenton (yeah) is 63026. The time was 10:05 and the only food was what could be microwaved, but they had Blue Moon on draft, so I was happy. ON ON thanks for setting trail Record.

Directions:

A long time ago, in a thread far far away, a visitor requested "an extra shitty trail." The compulsion to oblige this request in the most literal way possible was too much for me to resist. So, we're all going to go on a nice little adventure in the bottom lands of the majestic Meramec River. My original inspiration was to make it a total mud fest, but Mother Nature has decided to give us heaping spoonful of winter. With 4-8" of snow expected this weekend, followed by temperatures staying just below freezing, it's going to be a real wonderland of misery out there, but probably not as muddy as I hoped. 

To head off any pissing and moaning, or at least prepare you for a healthy dose of I-told-you-so, I'm gonna break this trail down like a fraction for you all:

1. This is all Responsibilibitch's fault. 
2. It'll be about 5 miles, all-in. There MAY be a turkey/eagle split. 
3. You will need a change of clothes. All of it. 
4. Gloves are a good idea.
5. Cranium lamp for sure.
6. You will become familiar with the topography of the area. Think of it as a metaphor for life, with its ups and downs, shitty situations, and wide open stretches. 
7. Your little feetsies are going to get wet, so just be ready for that. If you keep moving, your feet will be fine. 
8. No walker trail. No disclosing of the beer stop. You'll have to earn your stories.
9. Our species conquered every climate on the planet with pelts, sticks, and animal bones. There's a little hard-ass within all of your soft, delicate, modern shells. Let's let it out for an evening!
10. It's rarely as bad as it sounded at first. 


Circle Up:

Parking lot northwest of 026 Bar and Grill
519 Main St
Fenton, MO 63026
https://goo.gl/maps/Qb5zNaRNnDu

On-After
026 Bar and Grill
515 Gravois Rd.
Fenton, MO 63026
https://goo.gl/maps/YLJLtopCwP92


Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999