Its a Saturday with a special early out time, alas I'll be late again. Poor me.
But hey hashers were building homes for the poor so I can't really complain
about $5 anal Habitat Hash. Goldicocks
didn't even wound herself with any powertools, lost that bet.
So after leaving explicit instructions to mark the on-out time and an an
arrow to point the way, I show up and STILL had time to down a beer before
setting out with the pack. Other than the darkening sky which no one thought
would amount to anything things were looking up. (I did mention that I drove through pouring
rain for 40 minutes on the way there but nobody listened.) Trail was immediately hilly and the fools ran
right on up, but Postage is no amateur, he smelled the CB out and decided upon
a more leisurly pace and was well rewarded.
Eventually the trail split the racists off and supposedly there was even
boobs flashed. The decision to stay with
the racists was a good one as count em, 5 home brews were left for us in baggy
upon a hill (and a small can of panty remover, which one of our unnamed
consumed since none of the harriets were interested.) Departing the BH a long line of children sold
out the hare and sped us along the true trail.
Things were going rather well the rain even felt great.
And then we turned down an overgrown side road towards the bluffs, sure
there were some rather abondoned looking buildings with no tresspassing signs
on them. Nothing new to us right? Then we got to the end of the road and were
searcing about for trail when this happy looking silver Subaru pulls up with
happy looking peace signs, coexists signs, make love not war signs, Gallager
for president signs, lots of very happy signs. I think there was even a Dead
sticker. So how could drive a car like
this? Well obviously he had long graying
hair and was dressed in non-conformist clothes. I figured he was going to thank me for the
natural fertilizer I was distributing on the tree, or invite us to eat some
fresh brownies, or even come join his folk music jam that was about to start
down by the river...
Not
In fact, as best I could gather through his yelling, he purported to be
some form of security guard (I'm guessing this is one of those Office Space
jobs where he was fired years ago and no has actually paid him for years but
since he still shows up to work for free no one say anything, exect it would
appear in this case that he was fired because the business shut down in the
80s.)
Anyway, the gist of his message was that we were tresspassing in Area 52,
top secret stuff you know, there were cameras everywhere tracking our every
move. His basic message was that we needed to get out immediately if not
sooner. Having left my T.A.R.D.I.S. at
home this was not possible and we were only managing 5 MPH once we decided he
wasn't joking and actually started leaving.
He was really unhelpful in giving advice on which way through the shiggy
trail most likely went.
As I was explaining he was unsatisfied with the speed with which we were
removing ourselves. So to help matters I
slowed down. He responded by speeding
up. Now, don't be hard on the angry
hippie he did slam on the brakes before actually hitting me. After he realized that this tactic was not
having the desired effect (my rate of travel was not down to a brake riding 2
MPH) he then suggested that he should shoot us.
Which Mr long-haired paul Bart seemed sure was legal. As I suggested that his suggestion is a
criminal threat. He resorted to invoking someone with actual authority, the Police. I suggested this was a wonderful idea. Apparently he decided this was unwise so we
returned to the hit the gas, hit the brake, without quit hitting the hasher
routine. Which I suggested was vehicular
assualt(in what I was told was a very calm unaggressive manner, by the nurse
who was sure he would be shortly carrying me).
My suggestion that since he was winning two crimes to our one maybe we
should call the police, seemed to finally get through as he did eventually back
off a few feet.
We resumed jogging after leaving the property and hailed those far ahead of
us to confer. The angry hippie watched
from the end of 'his' road. We had some
difference of opinion on how to proceed.
One theory was to head away from the direction trail haed be leading us
in order to find our way to the water and find trail by the river. Otheres felt this would lead back to exactly
where we encountered our friend and perhaps we could find a way down the bluffs
in the park the other way.
Having decided on the park we were happy to discover not only trail in said
park but a BS, with a grinning oblivous hare, who wondered why we came in from
the direction we did. How soon the good will from the home brew was
forgotten...
Alas though we wanted to hold a grudge the hare had a healthy supply of
tasty craft beer back at circle so all was forgiven. I'm sure other noteworthy things occured but
i was too engrossed in the good beer to notice.
As an afterthough PMS was last seen riding off into the sunset on the bask
of a bike with a hipster in a pink girls tank top.
Mostly Sincerely,
TrAInWreCK
** Note special start time: 4:00pm **
What: 5th
Annual HabitHash For Humanity
Circle: Parking lot at 6501 S Broadway, 63111 (corner of E. Soper Street)
Hares: 5
Bucks, 5 Bucks, 5 Bucks & Norman Bates
The story: Once again, a bunch of hashers will spend the day building a house for Habitat For Humanity, (as well as their arsenal of tool-based double entendres for "I Used To Work In Chicago".) This will be followed by a turkey-friendly hash in the neighborhood, open to everybody, whether you build or not. This deals only with the hash; the builders should have all their info via email from $5.
What to expect: An
"eagle" (true) trail of less than 4 miles, and an even shorter walker
trail. Maybe a super-walker trail
(what's that?!). A little bit o' shiggy.
Tasty A-B beer. Industry. Dive bars. Auto repair shops. The mighty Mississip'.
Dogs: Walker trail will be dog-friendly; eagle will be a bit challenging in one spot, though you could work around it by skipping the best part.
On-After: Kicker's Corner, 6201 S. Broadway St. Louis, MO 63111