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Wednesday 06/01/2011 #942

PMS & Hummers Para Libre @ Kirkwood

Hash Trash:

The trail was "fantastic" except for (and because of) a few things. In chronological order not in order of severity, stupidity or hash like behavior, here is my top ten list:

1) We met at the same freaking hole parking lot in downtown Kirkwood where we always meet. Sure, it's a great location that hasn't kicked us out, but at least the holiday hash in Kirkwood was on the other side of the street, Kirkwood Rd. Kirkwood Park is great too, but overused too. However, the green patch is much bigger than the hole p-lot, and it could be spread around to keep from making a sore.

2) It was a sight to behold, after nearly running out recently there was an abundance of BM's stocking the coffers with many coolers with selections of beer, water and ice.

3) After Rudy introduced two of our most experienced, short and lovely harietts, PMS and Hummers, they began to attempt to explain the various trail markings to the several virgins in attendance. TP was thrown, flour was bounced w/balls, chalk was scribbled in lines, arrows and letters; and this cool squirt bottle of chalk erupted all over the circle's interior. At the end of it all the "blank" look on the virgin's faces tells it all.

4) Trail started pavement pounding through downtown, but after several blocks it diverged into subdivisions and adjoining forests of shiggy trails. Kudos to the hares for a winding maze of trails that could disorient an experienced lab rat. However; several checks, tit checks and whichy ways were found, but not very many (if any) BJ's! were enjoyed. The hares were a little "easy" by telling the pack that almost "any" marks found are "On On."

5) The pack found ourselves in Kirkwood Park barking up yet another wooded, rocky hill trail in the twilight when a BH was spotted near a "pavillion in the woods." We remembered some chalk talk ramblings about a "black bag" maybe about "40 feet" (or was that 40 yards?) back or around or near or from the BH (or was that the pavillion?). Nevertheless, after forming search parties, rescue squad teams and combing over the shiggy like a swarm of fire ants trying to locate who has been poking at their nest; "someone" said "on out" and we were on the trails; degected and thirsty.

6) The BS was in Postage & PMS's backyard and was a fine gathering of the turkeys, eagles, walkers and various autohashers that seemed to arrive in waves of FRB's and DFL's. Cold libations were plentiful and a leathal salsa with chips was served. The salsa was so fresh and tasty it did not survive long. It was like a "Fresh Mex" -meets- the perfect combination of texture, flavour and heat with some special ingredient that you could just not figure out. The Salsa was Soooo good it almost saved them from Hashit for a No Beer BH.

7) After the enjoyable extended BS, the eagle trail back was frought with shiggy adventure as warned. This hasher was DFL leaving the BS slurping up the salsa, so I had no benefit of light except for the late twilight glow. This light was enough to navigate around a scary 70 yr old man walking the streets, but the ultra shiggy would be different. When the trail plunged into the woods, the flour markings on the dark and winding (but well traveled) trail were like little glowing beacons of light that were well visible. There is something fantastic about running fast through the woods at night, barely staying on the trail to avoid tree collisions and hearing the faint sounds of "On On," whistles, yelling and laughing.

8) Then there was a tunnel that looked small, wet and dark. I'm sure the pack paraded through the box with pleasure, but over the top of the tracks about 100 feet and down the other side I went. More night trail running nirvana was proceded by a dash through relatively level subdivisions back to the hole.

8) Rudy ran circle like a well-oiled machine; several songs were sang for the standard offenses and awards. It was nice to see the ancient alum, Fee Fee with Iron Lung and without his cast boot. Unfortunately MoAb still had her boot and was on crutches. A special significant run and headband award blessed by TSA went to MONISTAT for 50 RUNS. Smell and wear it proudly again and again!

9) Hashit of course went to the Hares for a NO BEER BH in the woods.

10) On after had many happenings that I will not describe.


Trail next week will be a TROLL BRIDGE HASH hared by Winey and 2:19 starting by the Hot Shots on Manchester in Manchester. Expect several TROLL BRIDGE HALTS that will require only the FRB to sacrifice themselves to the troll under the bridge by drinking one of his High Quality Beers, Stouts or Ales.

On On,
Winey


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Directions:

Start: Global Foods Parking Lot,
421 N. Kirkwood Rd.,
Kirkwood, MO, 63122

Fleshlights are recommended!
You might want to bring a FLASHLIGHT and a CHANGE OF SHOES, water wings, goggles, change of clothes, rope, cleats and a swiss army knife.

D'erections:

Eville (IL): Merge onto I-270 W via the ramp to St Charles. Take exit 7A for I-255 S. Keep left at the fork to continue toward I-255 S and merge onto I-255 S. Take exit 25B to merge onto I-55 S/I-70 W. Continue to follow I-55 S. Entering Missouri. Take exit 40C to merge onto I-55 S toward Tulsa/Memphis/I-44 W. Continue on I-44 W. Take exit 277B for US-67 N/US-61 N. Make a right onto S Kirkwood Rd/US-61/US-67. Global Foods will be on your left, look for hashers around the back.

BelleVegas (IL): Merge onto SR-15. Merge onto I-255 S via the ramp to Memphis. Entering Missouri. Continue on I-270 N. Take exit 5A for State Hwy 366 E/US-50 E/Watson Rd/I-44 E toward St Louis. Continue toward I-44 E/US-50 E. Keep left at the fork, follow signs for US-50/St Louis/I-44 and merge onto I-44 E/US-50 E. Take exit 277B for US-67 N/US-61 N. Turn left at S Kirkwood Rd/US-50/US-61/US-67. Continue to follow S Kirkwood Rd/US-61/US-67. Global Foods will be on your left, look for hashers around the back.

North St. Louis (Florissant): Head west on US-67 toward Rue St Charles St. Take the ramp to I-270 W. Keep left at the fork, follow signs for I-270 W/Dunn Rd/Lynn Haven. Keep left at the fork to continue toward I-270 W. Keep right at the fork, follow signs for I-270 W and merge onto I-270 W. Take exit 9 for State Hwy 100 E/Manchester Rd. Merge onto Manchester Rd/MO-100. Turn right at N Kirkwood Rd/US-61/US-67. Global Foods will be on your right, look for hashers around the back.

South St. Louis (Sunset Hills): Turn left at S Lindbergh Blvd/US-50/US-61/US-67. Global Foods will be on your left, look for hashers around the back.

West St. Louis (St. Charles): Take the ramp to I-70 E/St Louis. Merge onto I-70 E. Take exit 232A-B to merge onto I-270 S toward Memphis. Take exit 9 for State Hwy 100 E/Manchester Rd. Merge onto Manchester Rd/MO-100. Turn right at N Kirkwood Rd/US-61/US-67. Global Foods will be on your right, look for hashers around the back.

Downtown St. Louis: Take the ramp onto I-55 S. Continue on I-44 W. Take exit 277B for US-67 N/US-61 N. Make a right onto S Kirkwood Rd/US-61/US-67. Global Foods will be on your left, look for hashers around the back.




View Larger Map

If you get lost or need further directions, you could call Pms at 314-221-5411 or call Hummers at 314-609-7541. Either one of us will be glad to talk to you, but chances are that neither will be able to help you with directions.

Big Hump Hash House Harriers - St. Louis, Missouri - Established 1999