Pussy Fart's Maryland Heights Patriotic Hash

Pictures - Summary Let's see, the hashers congregated in the sultry heat of the... no wait. I'd use the word sultry if I was in Augusta sipping wine and having fresh strawberries fed to me as the sun set over the bluffs, across the planes... The hashers congregated in the sweltering heat...wait wait wait. Sweltering is more the word I'd use to describe the air at Fair St. Louis while watching the air show; sweat flowing out of your pores as if someone upturned a glass of water ove your cranium.... Okay, lets just say that it was pretty damn hot and humid.

Good thing there was beer! Lizzardo brought some tasty wheat beer to share as Pussy Fart disseminated teeny tiny red white and blue (RWB) hats for the manly men and RWB tiaras for the ladies. Radar Luv looked particularly fetching in his RWB bandanna. I felt very proud to be an American.

Mud Eye behaved. He had plenty of water and tipped over stray beer and snacked on flour. Let me stress that he had plenty of water and did not run and was a good boy. *

Pornogenic locked her keys in the car. I don't know if it was her sultry voice or a breakdown in communication, but three men arrived to cum to her aid.

During the chalk talk, Pussy Fart explained that we'd have to pick up fags along trail and that the person with the most would get a prize. As if running in the heat was not enough of a challenge. Postage Tramp was very convincing fag, so I figured he'd win it.

Aside from those of us who walked, Buttsucker was the first to arrive at the beer stop. The fact that he didn't follow trail was moot. The temperature had lowered to a steady simmer as the pack returned to the meeting spot. Whiney Bitch proceeded to vomit multiple times in the general environs. We were genuinely concerned for him until he explained that his illness was brought on by a combination of the heat, drinking beer, and running too fast. Hmmmmm... running too fast. That reminds me of something my father would say to me (a lot), "Why don't you act like you got some god-damned sense?!"

TYHAC and guest, Just Mary Beth, were DFL, as they sauntered in while Postage Tramp conducted the circle. I'll use the word "sultry" for them. Sauntering in the sultry night air, TYHAC and Just Mary Beth joined the circle... okay whatever; they had to drink for being late. And who collected the most fags? Three hashers, Dancing Queen, Whiney Bitch, and Postage Tramp each had the most (two). A trial by down-down to determine the best fag collector was in order. Even though DQ can chug, Postage and Whiney were faster. I was surprised because Whiney was still trying to balance his electrolytes. The final round proved Postage Tramp to be the faster beer chugger and therefore the best collector of fags. So he won fantastic spiffy blinkety RWB mardi gras I mean 4th of July beads! Whooooo-hoooo! Whiney was sick with envy.

The Hashshit was awarded to PMS, for a variety of misdemeanors, not the least of which was trying to un-nominate someone. I shake my head... PC Porn, Flossit, and Just Jake joined us at Maryland Yards, the on-after. There was plenty of beer, but food had to be obtained from Schnucks, Imo's, and various establishments because the kitchen was closed. I left before the naming of Just Martin who will, from this time forth, until we change our minds, be known as "Mud Packer." PMS addendum: Here's Mud in Your Eye was also renamed at the on-after. He shall from this day forward be known as "Cheezy Poofs". Mud Eye was a very good boy. He had plenty of water and was not left alone during the hash that we WALKED not ran and did not have to wait in the wagon by himself for very long at all. He ate a little when we got home and he made a nice poopie outside.*

All in all, it was just another shitty, star spangled, sultry I mean sweltering I mean hot and humid RWB trail.

ON-ON
Madam Yuk

* This statement is true and not merely written for the benefit and reassurance of Eat a Bloody Bitch, who trusted me with his puppy despite the fact that I have never owned a dog in my life.